Author's Notes: The idea: old. The plot: original. The effect: Priceless.
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: None
Written: 2003
I had decided that it was time. Time to let someone else know about my existence. I could just continue acting like nothing was going on, like Ken was still in control all the time. However, I knew I couldn't keep such a pretense up. We were just too dissimilar for it to work, especially if the stress was going to continue to build, and I was going to have to come out more and more often to deal with it. The hiding was going to have to stop.
Besides, I knew Ken suspected that it was I in control during those blank spots in his memory. Then there was Davis. Davis who knew something was up, but wasn't sure what. Better to go ahead and let him know than to have him figure out on his own. There was no telling how he'd react if he discovered I was back on his own. I had no wish to wind up in an epic battle of the ages or something in downtown Tokyo against the Digidestined brats.
I like to keep things a little more low key than that, thank you very much.
Which meant it was for the best that I told Davis now, have him meet me on my own terms, and deal with this situation. At the very least I wanted him and the other Digibrats to know that I was not going away. That I was here to stay and that they were either going to have to deal with it or move on. I was not going back to existing in the recesses of Ichijouji's mind just so they could feel like they had conquered the big, bad evil.
At the most... it would be nice to have a place where I didn't have to pretend to be something I'm not. One step at a time though. First deal with Davis. Worry about the others once you've cleared that hurdle.
There was no one in the apartment when I got home. I would have been more surprised had there been someone there. My father was probably still at work and would be there until right before dinner. That is, if he wasn't working late. My mother was usually picking up groceries or last minute ingredients for the evening meal at this time.
Most of the time Ichijouji himself wouldn't be home at this time. He would be at school studying with some group or another or at soccer practice. But I hadn't felt like being around anyone, and there wasn't any soccer practice scheduled for today. Hence, I was home early.
I toed off my shoes and went to set my bookbag down in my room. Ken's room. Our room I guess, though I didn't have much to do with decorating it. I would have to change that. Now wouldn't that just strike a nerve with Ichijouji? To come home one day and find nothing where he remembered it being?
Humming slightly to myself, I walked back into the living room and picked up the phone. The numbers I pushed seemed familiar and alien at the same time. I'd watched Ken push them a thousand times, but this was the first time I had had to remember them myself. There was a series of rings and then someone slightly out of breath picked up.
"Yes?" Damn. It was Davis's sister, Jun.
"May I speak to Davis?" As soon as I said those words, I made sure to hold the phone as far away from my ear as possible. It was an automatic reflex. Even holding it at arm's length I could hear Jun scream for Davis. After the sound had died to silence, I returned to receiver to my ear.
"Hello?" That was Davis.
"Guess who?" I said.
"Ken?"
"Wrong answer. Want to try again?" As soon as I said the words, I knew he knew. It was like I could hear the realization over the phone. Davis had just realized that I was back, that he was speaking with the Digimon Emperor.
"Where are you?" The words were almost hissed into the phone, low and secretive and demanding.
"I'm over at my house. Where else would I be? I'm going to go sit in Ichijouji's room for a bit. Now whether or not I'm still there by the time you get here all depends on how quickly you can run."
I hung up, ignoring Davis's squawked protest to wait. I had made the first move. Now it was time to see how Davis would react.
______________________________________
Just under an hour later, I heard a knock on the front door. There was something urgent and demanding in the sound. I smiled. All the more reason for me to ignore it.
My mother had come home about ten minutes after I had called Davis and delivered my little threat. She was the one who opened the door. I could hear her voice rise slightly in surprise, then the name "Motomiya." Of course she'd be surprised. It was right before dinner, and the sky had already begun to darken.
I couldn't help but smile as footsteps headed towards my door. Here already Davis? He must have run to catch the train here and then run from the station. It was nice to know that he thought my reappearance was worth rushing for.
"Ken, you have a visitor. Motomiya-kun are you going to be staying for dinner?" my mother asked as she opened the door and showed Davis into my room. He had been running, had probably taken the stairs up to my apartment rather than wait for the elevator. His breathing was heavy and his face flushed. I noticed that he didn't bother to give my mother an answer.
"Thank you, mother. I didn't hear the knock on the door." A small lie and a dismissal in one. I took Davis's arm and pulled him into the room while shutting the door. My mother gave me a worried look as Davis shrugged off my touch.
"Where's Ken?"
"Oh, I have him tied up in the closet." Then when it looked like Davis might actually check out my closet. "It was a joke. Ichijouji is where he always is when I'm in charge. He's in my mind." I sat down in the chair at my desk, strangely reminded of my throne room in the Digital World. "Don't worry. I'm sure he'll reassert himself soon."
"Why are you here?" Davis was still standing when he asked the question, trying to avoid taking a position of weakness around me. Or at least that's why I would have remained standing. I'm not sure Davis ever had thoughts that... strategic.
"Tell me, Motomiya Davis." It was the first time I had said his full name. I liked the sound of it as it hung in the air. "What was it like to save the world?"
"Answer my question!"
"What do you think I'm doing?" I was on my feet, staring him down before I could stop myself. We had both grown over the years and I still topped him by a few inches. I had to be intimidating as I glared down at him. To give Davis credit, he didn't back away. I was impressed. He had to know that if it came to anything I could hurt him; seriously hurt him if he pushed.
This was not at all what I wanted to happen. I took a deep breath and continued only after I was sure I could feign indifference. "Then again, maybe I shouldn't tell you why I'm here. Ichijouji certainly hasn't figured it out. Why should I assume you'd be any better?"
Let him think on that. I turned away. It was not because I suddenly realized how close Davis and I were, how he was too there for my comfort. It was because I wanted to show him that I didn't think of him as a threat.
Really. It was.
"You wanted to know what it was like to save the world?" Davis asked as he looked for a place to sit. He glanced up at the high bed, but quickly decided it wasn't worth the effort to climb up there. Eventually, he settled for leaning against the bed frame. I found that watching him was a distraction I could have done without.
"It was... it was the best thing ever. I mean, we saved the world. Every one and every thing was depending on us and we won. We kicked ass. It was great because you knew you hadn't screwed up, and then you knew that everyone else knew you hadn't screwed up. You can't beat that."
Hmmm... not the way I would have put it. Or how Ichijouji would have put it I'm sure. But it would do.
"So how do you beat that feeling?" I asked.
"You can't." That was an answer I hadn't expected Davis to give so soon. He was watching me with brown eyes that seemed incredibly resigned. It was not a look I was use to seeing from him. "You can't beat that feeling. Ever. But that doesn't mean you just give up or give in."
"Ichijouji hasn't given up. That's not why I am here." It was a good guess. One that was far more perceptive than I would have thought would come from Davis. "So you know you can't beat saving the world. Can you even come close to that feeling?"
"Sure you can."
I blinked. "You can?"
"Yeah. You get the same sort of feeling when you win a soccer game. Or when you pass a test even though you didn't study. Or... or... like when you grope a girl and don't get caught."
For a few moments I could do nothing but stare. Then I buried my head in my hands. Only Davis would compare saving the world to groping a girl.
"All those things remind you of saving the world?"
"Mrrrhhhmmm... yeah."
"But do you think those things would work for Ken? Do you think anything would compare to saving the world for him? Anything at all?" I deliberately used Ichijouji's first name, knowing it would have a greater effect on Davis.
"Well..." Davis looked at the wall, breaking eye contact, and chewing on his lip in thought. "There's always... no, that wouldn't... what about... no, I don't think..." Then after several false starts. "I can't think of anything."
"Exactly."
"I never really thought about it before. I didn't even think that Ken..." Davis's voice had a slightly lost quality to it. I wondered about that for a few seconds before deciding to continue.
"Of course not. You were too busy getting into fights or flirting with girl's to notice." I was going to say more, was going to make some point about how even with the small things that he had compared to saving the world, it hadn't been enough. Davis cut me off.
"Huh? Hey!" Davis moved from a relaxed to an aggressive stance in seconds. He was angry and I wasn't exactly sure why. "My friend's are more important to me than that!"
Oh, of all the things to take the wrong way...
"I never said they weren't." Stupid. I barely managed to bite back the last word. Getting into a serious fight with Davis was not going to further my cause. "I was just implying that fighting and flirting were two of your ways of dealing with the aftermath of saving the world. Ichi... Ken no more noticed that you were having problems than you noticed he was having his. That doesn't mean you are any less of a good friend.
Note to self, next time do not make the word "friend" sound like an epithet.
"But you noticed that I had problems."
"I noticed." That observation earned him a half-smile of approval. "Of course, I'm not your friend."
"Your not our enemy either. Not anymore." Davis relaxed once again against the frame of my bed as he said those words.
"I'm not?" I hadn't meant to say those words, especially in such a small, shocked voice. I could feel myself staring. Davis was beaming, looking for all the world like a magician who had just pulled the biggest rabbit out of a hat. I realized my mouth was gaping, and quickly shut it. Then I glared. One of these days I was going to learn to stop underestimating Davis. This was obviously not that day.
"We weren't discussing me. We were discussing Ken," I said through gritted teeth. Quicksilver fast, Davis's mood changed. The smile disappeared from his face. I refused to feel disappointment when it left.
"So what did Ken do? You know, after we saved the world and stuff?"
"He did what he... we had done before the Digital World. He needed something familiar and comforting after all the chaos that saving the world had caused. So Ken threw himself into his schoolwork. You know how during the time with you Digibrats-" wince "-destined his grades dropped?" I waited long enough to get an affirmative sound from Davis before continuing. "Afterwards, they went back up. He once again became the perfect student. There was only one problem."
"You?" That startled a laugh from me. Davis looked so eager to guess right. He was, of course, wrong.
"No. The exact opposite in fact. The problem was that I wasn't around."
Davis thought a moment before answering. He tried to figure it out on his own. He failed. "I don't get it."
"Think about it. Before you came along and defeated me, before the dark spore began to drive me insane, who do you think was in charge? Who do you think handled all the publicity that came with being a famous boy genius? Who do you think dealt with the near constant pressure to do your best? Who do you think took care of all the little mundane, day to day annoyances so Ichijouji could concentrate on doing what mattered?"
"You." I could see the light of realization dawning behind those brown eyes. Good.
"Ichijouji has never dealt with all those things before. He had never had to. I was always there. Is it any wonder he couldn't handle it?"
"Wait a minute." It was nice to see that Davis was not taking everything I said at face value. He was trying to analyze what I was saying. It was a nice change. "Didn't Ken have to deal with all that stuff during the time we were fighting Arukenimon and Oikawa and Myotismon and everyone? So why wasn't it worse for him then? Because I was really stressed out then," Davis admitted. He had returned to watching me as I sat at the desk.
"Simple. At that time, Ken had a goal."
"You mean saving the world?" Davis guessed.
"Yes. The ultimate goal. Ichijouji likes goals. They put everything in perspective for him. What's more important: doing perfectly on a test or saving the world? Goals let Ichijouji prioritize everything, all neat and clean. Life becomes so much simpler for Ken when he has goals."
I couldn't really fault Ichijouji for that. My life was much easier when I had goals. However, unlike Ken, I could function without goals. I had no problem ruthlessly deciding what was important and what was not.
"The problem happens when you take away the goals from Ken's life. That's when Ichijouji's priorities begin to fall apart and he starts to get really stressed. He no longer knows what's more important. That's when all the little things begin to get to him."
I wonder if Davis was as curious about how Ken's psyche worked as I had been when I first started observing him. It was fascinating to be able to listen into someone else's thoughts, one of the most intimate forms of eavesdropping. Did Davis realize the opportunity I was presenting to him by allowing him a chance to pry into the inner workings of Ken's mind?
"So why doesn't he just get new goals?" Ah, trust Davis to strike at the heart of the matter.
"He does. Ichijouji gives himself lots of new goals. Then he begins to second-guess himself. It's so much easier to let other people set them for him. Which was why he turned back to academics. He knew it was what his parents wanted even if it was not what he wanted. Going to school, coming home, doing homework, even eating dinner: everything in his life is so normal now. He's stressed and unhappy and afraid that this..." I waved my hand to indicate the room "... is all life has to offer him. He's cracking from the inside out and I'm coming through the cracks."
"You're trying to take over again?" Davis didn't immediately jump on the offensive when he said it. But I did.
"NO!" The word sounded too vehement even to me, but there was nothing I could do about it now. I got to my feet and began to pace the room. Davis watched me as a stalked back and forth in front of him. I didn’t want to examine why I was so angry too closely. "Haven't you been listening to what I've been saying? I'm here because I need to be here. I'm sitting here trying to tell you that without me Ichijouji would be nothing more than a broken shell of a person, and you're accusing me of trying to take over? What next? Are you going to start accusing me of attempting to play with people's minds? Or how about accusing me of trying to take over the Digital World again?"
I had meant to stop after the first sentence, but my mind obviously had other plans. Suddenly, all the reasons I had thought of for why they wouldn't believe me hung in the air. I felt vulnerable and exposed. It was not a feeling I was comfortable with.
"Why not? You've done it before. You lied and... and... hurt innocent Digimon and made them do horrible things and... you did other bad things. Why should I... we trust anything you say? For all we know you could be plotting to get rid of us right now. This could be some story you made up to trap us."
Davis was almost shouting by the time he finished, and he was slowly advancing towards me. I froze, watching him get closer. So much for no longer considering me the enemy. Hurt and anger are not two emotions I handle well. I should have been expecting the rejection. I had been. Just not from him. I felt very much the fool as I suddenly turned on Davis.
"I should have known better than to expect anything from an idiot goofball like you. I don't know why Ken even puts up with you. Maybe he just likes a break from intelligent conversation."
"Take that back!"
Like Hell I would. "No!" I hit a nerve and knew it. Who knew victory could taste as bitter as defeat?
Davis took a swing at me then. I don't think I could remember ever seeing him that mad. I automatically dodged, my judo training taking over even as my mind went blank from shock. He was trying to hit me. Davis was actually trying to hit me. Even now I could see him prepare himself to take another swing.
I reacted, avoiding his other swing while pushing him away. Davis went backwards, stumbling over something. He landed hard against my bureau. The top drawer rattled open and Davis grabbed the bureau to keep himself from falling to the floor.
I was appalled. I hadn't thought I had pushed Davis so hard. He scrambled a bit till he got his feet up under him. Then he winced.
"Get out." I felt vaguely ill and defeated. "I don't even know why I bothered. Just leave."
"Hey, look. Um... about what I said..."
"I don't want an apology," I snapped. I turned my back on him. "Go away."
"But..."
"Can't you just leave?" I was shouting again. Control. I was going to have to control the volume of my voice. Otherwise my mother was going to start to wonder. "I will throw you out it I have to."
I listened to him leave. It was blessedly silent in the room, the only sound being my still rapid breathing. I heard muffled voices from outside my room. I wondered what my mom was asking. I wondered what Davis was telling her. "Hi, Ichijouji-san, your son has gone psychotic again. Have a nice day."
Lovely.
______________________________________
Davis had called an impromptu meeting of the Digidestined as soon as he got home. It had taken him nearly an hour on the phone and relaying messages through his D3 to get everyone together, but it was necessary. They were all going to meet over at Tai's apartment in an hour's time.
For the second time that day Davis found himself running to get somewhere. He pounded up the stairs, too impatient to take the elevator. Consequently he was out of breath by the time he knocked on Tai's door.
"Come in!"
"You're late," Yolei said as Davis opened the door. Everyone, even most of the older Digidestined, were there. The only people that hadn't been able to come were Mimi who was still in America and Joe who had something else he needed to do.
Tai, TK, and Yolei were sitting on the sofa. Cody had taken the floor, looking over Izzy's shoulder as he typed on his laptop, while Matt had taken the apartment's one over stuffed chair. Sora was sitting on the arm of Matt's chair. Hikari had a chair from the kitchen. Davis was gratified to see that Hikari and TK were not next to each other.
"Sorry! I had to run all the way from Ken's house." Davis looked around for a place to flop down, and seeing none, stood. Every one was watching him.
"Isn't he coming?" Yolei asked. Davis shook his head.
"Uh... well, you see he's kind of the reason I called everyone here." The group waited. "The Digimon Emperor is back."
"What?!" This came from all the younger Digidestined. Matt, Tai, and Sora shot each other a look. Izzy continued typing on his laptop.
"Are you sure?" Izzy asked as he saved whatever he was currently working on. "How do you know?"
"Because I just got through talking to him. That's why I was over at Ken's house." Then when everyone continued to stare at him like he had grown a second head. "He called me up this afternoon and told me about it."
"Ken called you up and told you that the Digimon Emperor was back?" Hikari asked. She wondered if everyone else felt like she did, like someone had walked up and punched her in the stomach.
"No. The Digimon Emperor called me up and told me he was back. So I went over to see if it was true."
"The Digimon Emperor told you he was back?"
"How does he know your number?"
"You went over there by yourself? Do you remember the last time he got you alone Davis?"
All three questions came one right after the other. Davis looked from Yolei to Matt to Cody, who had asked the questions. After a few seconds of getting them straight in his head he answered.
"Yeah, he called me when I got home from school. I don't know, maybe he looked it up? And yeah, I remember. But he was at his... Ken's house. I didn't think he was going to do anything with Ken's mom there," Davis said. He was beginning to get a little edgy, taking his goggles off and fidgeting with the strap before returning them to his head.
"What did he say?" Yolei asked, a strange sort of fascination creeping into her voice. "Did he try to do anything?"
"Stuff. We talked for a while. He didn't do anything. Just talked." Then after a pause. "Well, except when he threw me out of Ken's room."
"Where is he now?" This was from Cody. Davis gave him a look.
"Huh?"
"Where is the Digimon Emperor?"
"I left him in Ken's room."
"You left him there with Ken's Digivice?" Everyone was suddenly talking at once as they all realized what that meant. The Digimon Emperor had unlimited access to the Digital World.
"Don't worry!" Davis said. He reached behind him and produced something from his back pocket. "I've got it covered."
Sitting in the palm of his hand for all the Digidestined to see, was Ken's Digivice.
______________________________________
I was furious, with both Davis and with myself. I kicked the edge of my bed and then sent everything on the top of my desk clattering to the floor. Luckily, nothing broke. At the time I wouldn't have cared if it had.
How dare he? He told me I was no longer the enemy, and then had the gall to declare that I was. How dare I. It was too much to hope that anything had been forgiven or forgotten. Still, one of the Digibrats, the one that had hated me the most... Cody, had mentioned to Ken that Davis had an unusual outlook on my dealings in the Digital World. That Davis believed I was still just a kid back then despite everything I had done.
Davis had been the first one to forgive Ken, the first to try and reach him. I had thought that I would be included in that forgiveness. I am such an idiot.
Fine. I didn't need them anyway. So they all thought I would simply take over the Digital World again given half a chance? Okay then. Why should I bother being nice? Why even make the effort? Far be it for me to fail to live up to their expectations.
The top drawer of my bureau was still ajar from where I'd thrown Davis against it. I tried just pulling it out some more, but it was wedged half open. A sharp, angry tug finally unstuck it. Now to get my... Ken's D3 and wreak some havoc.
Strangely enough, I was looking forward to the destruction of my only hope at bridging the gap between the Digibrats and myself.
At first, I thought that Davis's fall had disrupted the contents of the drawer. I pushed some socks and meaningless other things out of the way looking for the D3. It wasn't there. Then I pulled the drawer out, dumping the contents onto the floor. Something cracked with the sharp sound of broken plastic. It wasn't there.
That son of a bitch. He'd taken it! The whole stumbling against my bureau had been a play and I'd fallen for it. I'd even felt sorry for pushing him so hard.
I was so pissed I was shaking. You've heard the phrase "seeing red?" I did that. The whole world was overlaid with a sheen of rage and violence.
I felt hurt. I felt betrayed. I felt like a fool.
I felt...
... strangely proud.
That startled me. Davis had managed to take my D3 from me right under my nose. I'd done it again, underestimated him, and he'd taken full advantage of it. Of course I felt like a fool. I was a fool for falling for the "I'm a harmless idiot" act. Hadn't I learned anything from my time in the Digital World?
Laughter welled up inside me and I didn't fight it. I sat down in the middle of the chaos I had wreaked upon my room and laughed. It was quite possibly the least maniacal laughter I had ever given voice to.
"Ken?" That would be my mother. I wonder what she would think if she opened the door to find me sitting in the middle of my trashed room laughing? "Are you okay?" Best not to find out.
"I'm fine, mother." There was a pause and then her footsteps as she left. Good. Problem solved.
I was still smiling as I began to pick up the mess I had made. I still couldn't believe Davis had done that. He'd planned, schemed, lied, manipulated, and then had stolen from me.
Ah Davis. I'll make an evil overlord out of you yet