Author's Notes: I swear I had another title for this fanfic, but I can't remember what it was. I was thinking of writing a sequel, but decided I would have to fix too much to get this one to where I wanted it. So this is just an illustration of a little thing I like to call "Davis logic."
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: Davis/Ken
Written: 2004
The thing about Davis was Ken always knew when he was going to cry. It was part observation and part instinct. The observation part came from the fact that Davis almost always vibrated with tension, every muscle strung painfully tight, right before he had a really good cry. The instinct part came from the fact that Davis almost always did that. Sometimes Ken believed everything was going to be fine, that Davis had managed to talk himself into getting over the problem. Then Davis would suddenly turn to him and sob into his shoulder while Ken wrapped his arms around the other Digidestined and weathered the storm.
Right now, Davis was still in the ranting stage. Ken watched him pace back and forth across his room from the vantage point of his desk chair. He didn't know if Davis was going to be able to talk himself out of it or break down crying. It was 50/50 either way.
"Everything was fine when we went to the movies after dinner, you know?" Ken didn't know, having never gone out on a date with any of the girls who asked him, but he didn't say anything.
"I even agreed to go to some chick flick," Davis continued. "No explosions. No automobile chases. No animation. Just chicks weeping over guys that left them or are dying and my date weeping because it was so romantic." Davis stopped with his head cocked to one side, considering. "Actually, the movie wasn't that bad."
"You cried during it, didn't you?" Ken asked. Davis shot him a look, but eventually relented.
"Yeah, a little. It was good though. See there was this girl named Carol who was in love with this guy named Mike. Only Mike had cancer in his brain so he was going to go into surgery and they didn't know if he was going to make it. While he was in the hospital he met this other girl names Samantha who also had cancer and... whatever! That doesn't matter. What matters is my date dumped me."
Ken sighed. Davis had almost managed to distract himself from the focus of his rant. Almost. Then he started right back where he left off. "I don't get it. This is like the fifth girl to do this! We get along fine beforehand. We flirt, we laugh, we talk, we eat lunch together, we kiss, we make-out..." Ken sucked in a small breath, but let go of the brief burst of pain that statement caused. "... we go on two or three dates and BAM! I'm dumped."
"Do they give you some kind of reason for this?" Ken could think of lots of possible reason why this was happening. Davis could easily be rude or obnoxious or loud or inconsiderate or temperamental or gross. The problem with all those reasons was that Davis was generally on his best behavior around girls he liked. Especially when he was trying to impress them.
And Ken could also think of lots of reasons why girls would want to stay with Davis: his courage, his friendliness, his humor, his smile, his ability to take a joke, his easygoing manner, the fact that Davis was just generally a nice person. Of course, Ken was biased in that he liked both the good and the bad things.
"Yeah, they gave me a stupid lame-ass reason," Davis said, breaking into Ken's thoughts. "Two even used the 'Let's be friends line.' Isn't that the cheapest break up line ever? Who uses that line and actually means it? No one!"
"Mmmm..." It was a non-committal sound. Yolei had used the 'Let's be friends' line on Ken and had meant it. Ken hadn't realized that they had been dating at any point, so she didn't count as a girl he'd date. Even in his own head, Ken felt the need to clarify that.
Davis abruptly sat down in the middle of Ken's floor. His shoulders were slumped, his head hanging low, and his arms flopped by his sides. He was the epitome of rejection. "I just don't get it. Why don't girls want to date me?"
Girls did want to date Davis. They just didn't want to keep dating him. Again Ken kept this observation to himself because what Davis had asked was as close to a rhetorical question as Davis got. He wanted Ken to answer but only with the "correct" answer. "I don't know why girls don't want to date you. It doesn't make sense."
"You're right, it doesn't make sense," Davis said as he flopped back on the floor to stare at Ken's ceiling. The date tonight must have ended particularly badly for Davis to still be in his nice shirt and slacks. Usually he stopped by his house to change before coming over to Ken's to rant. "I'm the kind of guy girl's want to date, right?"
"Of course," Ken replied. It was obvious the other boy was going to wind up spending the night. He'd have to dig out the guest bedding soon and make sure Davis called his parents. Right now, he just took the opportunity to watch Davis.
"I'm nice. I'm polite. At least around them. I'm fun to be around. You think I'm fun to be around, right Ken?" Davis said. Ken crossed his arms over the back of his chair and smiled into them.
"I think you're really fun to be around." That wasn't a lie. Ken really enjoyed being around Davis. Even when he was completely oblivious or maybe because of it. He hadn't really decided.
"And that I'm nice and funny and shit. Right?"
"Yes, Davis." The answers really didn't require much thought on Ken's part any more. As long as he agreed or disagreed in the correct place Davis would never notice he was more watching him than listening to him. Ken had it down to an art.
"I don't look bad. I'm not ugly or anything." Davis grinned as if he were sharing a great big secret with Ken. Ken smiled back though it was still hidden by his arms. "I'm not bragging or anything but I'm good looking. All the girls tell me so."
"You're cute enough," Ken said. It was greatly daring of him so he made sure to add, "For a guy anyway."
"Yeah... yeah, I am cute. See? I have all sorts of good qualities. Lots of people would be more than happy to date me."
"Of course."
"I mean, you'd date me, right?"
"Yes, I would... wait, no. No I wouldn't date... what? What did you ask me?" Ken was jarred by the sudden turn in conversation. He jerked up in his chair, staring in shock at Davis. The chair wobbled dangerously but Ken managed to keep his seat.
Davis didn't seem phased by Ken's reaction. In fact he seemed perfectly calm, almost reasonable about the whole thing. It was a drastic change from the earlier rant. Typical Davis. "I mean hypothetically, you'd date me right? We've known each other for a while and you like me... as a friend, of course. But you'd still date me?"
"No." All those years of hoping and wishing for Davis to finally notice, and this was how it turned out? Davis asking him out as a hypothetical question? Ken meant to make a joke of it, but the words wouldn't come. Davis deserved the truth. "No, I wouldn't date you."
"Well why the Hell not?" Davis demanded. He sat up and glared at Ken as if it was personally his fault for everything that had happened that night. "You agreed with everything I said before about being nice and friendly and handsome..."
"...cute. I said cute." Ken corrected and then blushed at how that sounded.
"... fine, cute. If you wouldn't date me why would you agree to all that?" Davis's eyes narrowed slightly. "You weren't just agreeing to be agreeing with me, right?"
"Of course not." Ken hoped that Davis would mistake the new guilty blush for remnants of the old embarrassed blush. "I was agreeing because it was true."
"Fine then." Davis crossed his arms and looked directly into Ken's eyes. "Name one good reason, and it better be good Ken, that you wouldn't date me. Hypothetically."
"Um... er..." The truth would not be good. How do you explain to your straight best friend that you've wanted to be with him as more than just best friends since you were thirteen and still have him be your friend? Ken struggled to find a good excuse. "I wouldn't date you because... because... we're both guys and people would... have something to say about that."
"Please." Davis rolled his eyes. "No one cares if two guys date any more. If you go down to this one place in Shinjuku they have all sorts of bars and stuff and no one cares. You just can't flaunt it all over the place. You can't do that with girls either, flaunt that you're with them all over the place that is, so being both guys doesn't matter."
Ken didn't know what shocked him more. The fact that Davis seemed so comfortable with the idea of two guys dating or the fact that he seemed to know of a place in Tokyo where that sort of thing happened all the time. "But... "
"No buts. You'll have to come up with something better than that." Ken recognized the smile Davis gave him. It was his victory smile, and Ken supposed Davis did have a right to use it. He had scored a victory over Ken. Of a sort.
"Okay, how about this: I wouldn't date you because you'll make-out with anyone," Ken said. Davis opened his mouth to respond, closed it, opened it again, and closed it again. A full minute passed before Davis found his voice. Ken would have been more amused if it wasn't so serious.
"Just what do you mean by that?"
"You make out with all these girls, and others, before you officially start dating them." It was a statement not a question. As much as Davis talked about the girls he made-out with before dating them Ken knew it was true. "I can't do that."
"What? Make-out with girls?" Davis looked up at Ken in confusion. "Of course not. You don't even date girls."
"No, Davis. Not just with girls. I can't make out with anyone like you do. It has... it can't just be something I do for fun. It's not like that for me. If I kiss someone it's going to have to mean something to me. I can't just do it casually like you can."
"Are you saying when I make-out with girls it doesn't mean anything?" Ken sighed. Davis looked sheepish, nervously rubbing the back of his head. "Okay, okay. I know that's not what you meant. And you're right. You wouldn't just make-out with anyone. It would have to be something special."
"Exactly." Ken relaxed against his chair in relief. He had somehow managed to navigate the minefield that was Davis logic and had come out the other side with his friendship intact.
"You're right..." Davis said to himself. His forehead was creased and his eyes had the distant look he got in them when he was thinking on something extra hard. Ken wondered what internal musing had captured so much of his attention. "Hey Ken, who would you say is the person you know the best? Almost better than you know yourself?"
Years of hanging around Ken had gotten him used to Davis's non-sequiturs. "You, I guess."
"And who do you think knows you better than anyone else?" Davis asked. It looked like he was fighting a smile. "I mean honestly?"
"You, I guess..." Ken was a little more hesitant this time. Especially when Davis flashed him the victory smile. Realization hit and Ken sucked in his breath. "Davis, no." He was still grinning. "No. I know what you're thinking and the answer is no."
"What? What? I haven't said anything. Why are you so defensive all of a sudden?" Davis had shifted forward, moving perceptibly closer to where Ken sat. "I haven't done anything."
"Because I know you Davis." Ken did know Davis. He knew how Davis acted when he was happy or when he was sad. He knew that Davis snored very softly when he slept. He'd watched Davis whenever he could and had memorized the expressions on Davis's face. When Davis walked down the hall, Ken could recognize him from his footsteps. Most of all, he knew the way Davis's mind worked.
Ken was in trouble.
"Anyway, I'm your closest friend and you’re my closest friend and we both know each other the best. So I mean a whole lot to you, right?" Davis's voice had turned kind of sly. Ken shook his head amused and not by what was happening. "It's mean something if we made-out."
"Davis..." This could not be happening, but it was. Ken thought he was safe. He was so wrong.
"I mean it and you know it.
"And what happens if you see someone else you like better?" Davis was fickle in that regard and Ken knew it. Ken had watched Davis try to flirt with three girls at once without any of them knowing about the other. He'd failed spectacularly, but Davis had tried. "What happens if you meet some girl..." Like Kari Ken thought, but didn't say. "... you like better than me."
"Ken, I can honestly say that while I was dating you, I wouldn't make-out with or date any one else." Davis held Ken's gaze when he said it. Ken felt his stomach turn over and didn’t know if it was from nervousness or anticipation. "You still haven't given me a good reason for not dating me because the whole making-out thing is bullshit."
"I..." Ken swallowed. "I guess I don't have a good reason." Once again, Ichijouji Ken was a victim of Davis logic.
"So you'd make-out with me? And date me, right?" Davis prompted. Ken sighed and gave in.
"Yes, Davis. Hypothetically, I would date you and everything that entails." Happy? Ken held the last word back. There was no reason to get snippy. Davis was Davis and Davis when he latched onto something was more tenacious then any terrier.
"Good." Davis got to his feet and walked towards Ken. Automatically, Ken levered himself up in the chair so that he could meet Davis's eyes. "I'm probably going to be staying here tonight. Do you mind?"
"No," Ken said. Relief that finally, finally, the conversation was moving into safer territory. "I figured you would. You need to call your parents and let them know."
"I know," Davis said. He was standing close to Ken, close enough that Ken could see how nervous Davis was. "Anyway..."
Then, Davis kissed him. Soft and quick and gentle, it was over almost before Ken's brain had time to process what had happened. Davis pulled back, gave Ken another victory grin, and left the room in search of the phone.
Ken just sat in his chair, fingers touching his lips, looking slightly stunned.
______________________________________
The thing about Ken was that you had to be careful with him. Davis had figured out a long time ago that things that were simple for him could be really complicated for Ken. Sometimes it was because of the situation Ken was in: an only child now with parents that were still a shade over protective after the death of their oldest son. Sometimes it was because of who Ken was: a former super genius who still felt guilty for something that wasn't his fault.
And sometimes things that were really simple became really complicated only in Ken's mind. Davis found it annoying and endearing, because really Ken just would not be Ken if he weren't complicated.
All this meant that Davis had to be careful with Ken. Just not too careful. Davis couldn't coddle him because that would only make Ken moody and depressed. He tended to think that Davis didn't see him as an equal or didn't trust him or didn't believe in him when Davis coddled him. Which was stupid because all Davis was really trying to do was protect him but he couldn't convince Ken of that.
However, Davis couldn't be too rough with him either because Ken still had cracks. Davis had to be careful how he approached certain things because if he wasn't Ken would go very still and quiet. That's when Davis knew something was wrong. Then he had to stay around Ken until Ken felt better. Otherwise he'd find Ken brooding until he tore himself to little bits and Davis would have to help put him back together. It was easier to make sure it didn't get that far.
So Davis learned to be careful with his best friend. Even though Ken was really strong, he was also really fragile. It had taken Davis a while to get use to that contradiction. Luckily, Ken was also really forgiving.
Like now. Even though Davis had really pushed Ken farther than he should have Ken had forgiven him. After getting Ken to admit that he'd date him (and make-out with him. Davis had noticed that Ken had also agreed to do that), he'd called his parents and had gotten the Ichijouji's spare bedding out. He knew Ken would say something about him being a guest and all, but Davis had been sleeping over for years. Really, he could get the bedding himself.
When he'd wrestled the futon and the bedding into Ken's bedroom, Ken was still sitting in the chair. He managed to recover enough to help Davis. Then Ken had gone about his normal bedtime ritual: get his pajamas out, go to the bathroom, stay there for several minutes, come back changed and with rumpled hair.
In the meantime, Davis had taken the opportunity to strip down to his boxers. He laid his nice clothes out so they didn't get wrinkled. Davis hated having to wash his nice clothes because they always took more care than washing his regular clothes. Then he'd crawled under the blankets and waited.
Davis knew Ken had forgiven him when he held out his hand, silently asking Ken to lay down with him on the futon. Like they had when they were twelve. Something had flashed over Ken's face, apprehension or pain or want, but his emotions had settled on resignation. He'd turned off the lights and lay down with Davis.
Which was where he was now, beside Davis, just like it should be.
He had his arms around Ken. It was nice. Ken was nice. He smelled of shampoo and salt and was warm where he lay against Davis. His face was buried against Davis's shoulder, and Davis could feel Ken breathing against his skin.
Almost an hour after Ken had turned the lights out and lay down beside him, Davis felt something wet on his shoulder. It took him a few seconds to realize that Ken was crying.
That wasn't good. Davis listened to the sound of Ken's breathing, slightly ragged but still discernible. "Ken?" The other Digidestined simply shook his head, pushing his face harder against Davis's shoulder. He could take a hint. Ken didn't want to talk, didn't want Davis to ask questions.
So Davis just held onto him and let Ken silently cry on him.
After a few minutes, once the tears had subsided, Davis decided that it was going to be okay. Ken wasn't making that horrible sound that meant he was hyperventilating. He didn't seem to be working himself into a full-blown hysterical fit. The tears were born more from frustration than anything else.
That was understandable. Ken often cried when he got too frustrated. Davis knew that he had pushed too far and too fast. But it was going to be okay.
Not wanting to give up the feel of Ken's body and still kind of worried about the whole crying thing, Davis kept his arm around Ken. The other boy didn't seem to mind. Or at least, he didn't protest or try to move away from Davis.
That was good. If they were going to be more than friends, they would need to get use to being physical with each other. Or at least, he hoped they would need to get physical with each other. If Ken decided they could date, but no touching, Davis would go along with it. He wouldn't be happy with it, but he'd do it. It just meant he and Mr. Hand were going to be real close friends in the coming months.
Davis moved away from Ken ever so slightly so he could look at his best friend in the dark. Everything was fuzzy and out of focus in the dark. All the shadows blurred the edges together. Still, it wasn't hard to see that Ken was Ken and even in the darkness (or maybe especially in the darkness) he was perfect. Too perfect. Davis could stare at Ken for hours and never find fault with him.
Why hadn't he considered dating Ken before?
In retrospect, Davis should have figured it out and asked Ken a long time ago. It made sense. Ken was his best friend. Ken knew him and liked him for who he was. Ken was fun to hang out with. Ken was smart and kind and not afraid to get things done when he needed to. Ken was everything Davis could want.
Instead it had taken five girls before he'd caught on. Five! Even then it was only after the last one that Davis had finally figured out. He was slow sometimes but he usually wasn't that dense.
"You're nice to hang out with, Davis, but all you talk about is your friend Ken."
"I don't think this is working out Davis. We can still be friends though.
"Let's just be friends. It's obvious you're more interested in someone else."
"I swear, can we talk about me instead of Ken for once? No? Then I'm leaving.
"Davis, why don't you just date this Ken? He's all you talk about anyway. He might as well be here."
It had taken his last girlfriend's statement for Davis to realize that he would prefer to hang out with Ken. Walking to Ken's house, Davis realized he liked Ken better than he liked some of the girls he'd asked out before. Then he'd realized he'd rather date Ken than date the girl he'd taken out tonight.
At the door to Ken's house, Davis realized he would just rather date Ken. Period. In the darkness, with Ken lying beside him, Davis wondered how he could have been that dense for that long. The distance of a few hours and a kiss seemed to give him a whole new level of maturity.
The trick had been getting Ken to agree to date him. That had worried Davis while he'd complained about how badly his date had gone. There was no way he could just date Ken without Ken wanting to date him. While he was talking, Davis had devised a plan to get Ken to agree to date him.
Okay, he'd just said whatever came to mind and hoped desperately it would work. But it had worked so obviously it was a good plan. Davis grinned to himself while Ken's breathing evened out into sleep. He knew it was bad of him to push Ken so much, but Ken had forgiven him. So it was okay.
Ken would see. They'd date and Davis would be on his best behavior and everything would be fine. Ken would fall for him and agree that he was the best boyfriend a... er... boy could have. This would work. It had to work.
Davis didn't want to lose Ken.
He wasn't going too. Instead they were going to date and everything was going to be fine. Ken would see.
Davis wouldn't have it any other way.